It is a glorious day, but cold. I am wearing my coat while I type this in my living room, late for work, having tea, not sure how the week'll turn out, having overslept, or rather laid around at P.'s house last night. He woke me up at 03.00 or so saying my name in his sleep, and since then I have not been able to fall back asleep. Considering that we went to be too late anyway because of making love, I am so tired. I know there is nothing more boring than repeating how tired one is, but really, every fiber in my body is screaming for rest.
I ended up rollerblading alone and together with K. yesterday, we got all over the city (though I was not very dignified on my feet). K. commented on how insecure I am, according to him, I can actually blade pretty well, and it's all in my head.
Then we got back, had a smoke & coffee at P.'s place, since I had no milk, went to my place where I cooked lunch, and decided to go cycling. We cycled out of town and then P. got back and joined us, and we ended up cycling something like 25 km to some nearby lakes. Halfway through we discovered that the brake on my back wheel was down, no wonder I had been struggling and sweating as though I was in a spinning class! We got home, had dinner, I did the dishes, K. departed, and me and P. fell asleep after much, much lovemaking. So yeah, it was an awsome Sunday, once again proving right the cliche that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
Between the cycling, rollerblading, and sex, though, not too mention quite a few cigarettes (having smoked one of T.'s in our last meeting I bought her brand and have momentarily ceased bumming off of P.), no wonder I feel like I have been put through a juicer. Not having slept enough (I passed out as soon as sex was over, but who wouldn't wake up abruptly to the sound of their name being murmured?), I feel as though my body is infused with toxins. I fear that this situation will continue until I get my period, soon, I hope.
And I told my mum about my suspicions re. the abortion that I had nine years ago. I had avoided talking to my parents for 2 weeks, until it sunk in. She was very sad, as I anticipated, and now I feel angry with myself for having saddened her.
Better haul my tired cramped ass off to work.
And yes, although I feel all this and more, it was a great weekend, well worth it.