Thursday, February 22, 2007

Help

Swish, squish, thump, thump, drag, bang, whizz, hum, slam, crunch... and so on and on till infinity. I am not talking about the daily grind of my life but about the two (nice, polite, friendly, clean-cut) young women that live above me. Before them there was a guy and I hardly ever heard him, but now, when they are not walking, rearrenging furtiture, sweeping, and incredibly! vaccuming daily, then they simply are not home. What a pair of buttaches, and the thing is, they are nice (I know, I already asked them to stop moving the heavy sliding door that they placed between the dining and living room and feel a need to move 20 times an hour right over my head when I am sitting at the computer. It's amzing how much unnecessary movement and action two young women can generate. Why can't they sit down for fuck's sake, turn on the TV, pick up a book or something. What is it with the daily vaccuming? Sometimes I swear out loud. In this moments, there is nothing and no one I hate more than these girls. I feel like climbing through the window with a knife between my teeth and slaughtering them. So much noise just to keep up some pretext of tidiness and order and borgouise coziness, I am so fed up of it.

Yes, I am stressed, work is stressing me out, so much so that I let P go to (my) bed without as much as a goodnight kiss last night. I sit and do and undo the things that I did before, I have RSI from working on my report and my presentetion, and worse of all, I feel a horrible wave of dread whenever I think of them approaching in giant steps, and how unready I am for all this, and how I mistakenly stumbled on this wierd profession, among these slick professionals, and who the hell am I kidding, I am just an overweight, aging, HIV positive old girl who can't even keep her boyfriend happy and doesn't know what the hell she is talking about, but by next week I will have to be talking in front of many people on two occasions, and by mid-March I will be presenting my shit in another country, and it's all just a load of complete bollocks, and I have no idea how I got mixed up in this.

1 comment:

Brian FInch said...

Hi! Thanks for the message on my blog. I used to call Amsterdam my second home. Too bad we didn't meet before I pretty much stopped traveling to Europe (unless someone else is paying for it).

You know, I'm extremely well connected to the HIV positive woman's community. They call me the honorary girl as I worked on the Blueprint march organizing committee for the World AIDS Conference.

I do a lot of treatment, and we are on the cusp of some (what I think) are the beginnings of some watershed moments in new classes coming out (Integrase Inhibitors, CCR5 Antagonists and biologics). There were no treatments when I found out to speak of, so just imagine how different it will be.

If you have concerns about treatment and the gender differences in their side effects and other related issues I can hook you up with some of my friends, great HIV positive women.

I'm glad to see you writing and sharing.

And thank you for the toast!

Brian from Acid Reflux.

P.S. this is my old blogs account.