Monday, July 16, 2007

The Fool

For some obscure reason, I bumped into an tarot reading site and did an online reading. Since then I have been recieving a weekly lesson in tarot. This is not something I have ever been interested in, I am usually quite scared of people who dabble in anything psychic or astrological, not because I think they have some supernatural powers, just because I think that they might actually think that they do. Anyway this whole intro is apollogetically aimed at explaining the name of this post.
Apparently, the fool is the very first card, and it indicates "innocence", "naivety", and "no fear of new experiences or change". One should welcome the fool, unless it is the first card blind-picked from the deck. In that case, it indicates fickleness and immaturity.

I sit typing in our shared study (yes, we have finally, officially, moved in together as of two weeks ago) and it's raining cats and dogs outside, lightning flashes, wind gusts and all, after a brief warm spell following weeks and weeks of cold, drafty weather and enormous quantities of rain (following, in turn, a record-breaking dry spring). Yes the weather is going crazy, and it no longer appears prophetic or megalomanic to come up with doom's day scenarios of cities underwater at best and the end of the world as we know it at worst. It is almost dull to remark that, since Al Gore rendered global warming a smalltalk topic, at least on this side of the world. I am listening to the chilling Babel soundtrack as it is being downloaded from a guy/girl in Brazil. I am back from a week's vacation in Israel, decided on at the spur of the moment since I became unbearable homesick following the presidantial rape/harassment scandal. Don't know how that, of all things, made me homesick. I think it was having a lot to say and feeling a need for an outraged discussion and having no one to conduct it with. I tried explaining it to P., but it was just too Israeli. You had to see that girl-woman on TV, with her face pixeled and her shattered pride and dreams, with everything gone horribly, irreperably wrong, and the president in his smug, self-righteous fury, armed by a band of sharks-in-suits and making mincemeat out of her, and everyone else. Because he can. Not that I think for a minute that he raped her in the conventional sense of the word, violence and all, but in a way, it would have been better for her if he had, and not to have somehow mutely consented to pleasuring the oily old goat. The very thought of it makes me turn. Having sex against your will is extremely awful, but being coerced into changing your will is even worse, and if you do it because you have no choice while consoling yourself that you will get something out of it - status, appreciation, a name for yourself - and it all blows up in your face, and any pretence that you had of becoming something and making something out of your life becomes a sick, pathetic joke on you - because she was never smart enough, not even pretty enough, for that world of mega-deals and power junkies - and he knew that she knew that she was not what she wanted to become, and he smelled the easy prey and pounced on it, holding the reward it sight, and she relented, which makes her, some people, most people, say, some kind of whore. But I think that she reacted, and what choice did she have?

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