Thursday, October 12, 2006

tips for a good relationship & blogging/living

These tips I copied last night out of the BBC website:
"Talk about your resentment at the situation rather than at each other and look forward to the time when you're next together.

When dreams change
Your partner always insisted they hated travel, but has now announced a desire to emigrate to Peru. How can that happen?
As we get older, most of us become wiser and more self-confident. Our tastes change and so do our priorities. It's this capacity to change that makes it possible to be happy with the same person for 70 years. And when both partners change and grow together, it can be a life-enriching experience.
But change can also a little scary. We may fear that our partner is growing away from us. For a time it may seem we have less in common, that we don't know them as well as we thought. But even if your dreams are off course for a while, it doesn't mean they won't come together again in the future.
Talking together
The most important thing is to share the same personal values and priorities in life with your partner. And when couples talk about their underlying motivations and needs, they often discover that they do.
For example: If you want to abseil down Mount Kilimanjaro and your partner wants to write science fiction, you both want to satisfy a personal need to accomplish something that takes stamina, perseverance and skill.
Or if your partner wants to work as much overtime as possible while you want to have more time at home, underneath you may both believe that the children come first and want to do what you can to provide for them.
Practical exercise
If your goals in life seem to be worlds apart, don't give up yet. Sit down together and identify what need within you that goal is going to satisfy. You may well find that your goals are the same as your partner's - it's just the paths that are different. Have a look at your hopes and dreams to find out more".

After doing this little research and before setting of to bed I realised suddenly that ... we want the same things!

But then this morning, it all got scrambled again... and I wrote this:
Here is the thing, I started this blog as a survival tool for HIV. And I still have HIV. But this blog could have been under so many other titles, I could have let random events or characters traits or situations define me, but I didn’t. this could have been a blog about singledom, relationships, immigration, homesickness, disillusionment, my job, about music, films, books… travel lust, breaking away from your past, abuse, addiction, well being, physical exercise, mental exercise, writing, the Netherlands, family, the past, all these things and more could have become the focus of my life, but didn’t. I could define myself as well as and through a broken heart, disappointment. But I choose not to. The only reason I tagged this blog under HIV was that HIV was the mother of all crisis that forced me to write, or else…

How can I reconcile all these parts and how can I prioritize? Life just whizzes past – I wrote this before but it’s still so true, without me having time, without me taking the time to do the things that are in my heart. And other things take precedence, and I need to focus, but I can’t. there is just nothing stable to hold on to, it seems, nothing but the fleeting moment. And there is nothing in this world I’d like than a place of my own, with my loved ones there, somewhere to call home and start off from there, head out and come back wiser and windswept and knowing that it is waiting… and right now I feel so far from that, even the smallest decisions and commitments like what am I going to do with tonight or what/how to eat or whether to shower this morning or not and what to wear when I leave the house and should I after the appointment with social worker T. and before the one with my boss and the meeting with my colleagues head back home for a jog and a shower, and should I spend more time at and on work, look into funding, push myself further, and should I stay away from the computer and especially from anything involving a mouse like web forums because I fear the beginning of RSI, all these things hum and buzz around me (I forgot to mention the big one: should I go to the hairdresser and blow cash on my hair being blowdried straight just because I feel like it, just on a whim like a teenager). And what is important and what is not and what the fuck am I and why do I have the feeling that I am missing out on all the important things in life as I am writing this, like my parents, who unfortunately live in a place I don’t want to call home anymore, even though I miss it, but I miss the idea of it or the way it made me feel when I was younger and times past, although many of these were awful but also wonderful, and not what it really is. And how can I avoid being consumed by this mind-masturbation if I let myself get increasingly involved in it, and to what extent is it helping me if at all? And what part of it is ambition and wanting to set a foot out there and make my dent, and what part is my own essence. I have to answer all these questions, and I am still in my robe having my breakfast tea for fuck’s sake ;0)

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